In the beginning of my separation, like most people, I was confused, angry and depressed on top of the stress of working full time in corrections and raising my 6 and 7 year old daughters. How do people get through this when talking itself just doesn’t seem to help? I didn’t want to resort to drugs or alcohol as some people do, but I needed a release. All I could think about every minute of every day was what I could do to change things.
I decided to start running on the treadmill at home to relieve the stress. Prior to this, I was never much into “exercise” and would brag that I never had to do anything to maintain my weight. Running helped some but after months of this I was down to 107 lbs and started being criticized/questioned about my weight loss.
I just didn’t look healthy and felt weak both physically and mentally.
A year had passed and I was still being strung along by my husband. He would spend half of his week at “our home” and half of the week someplace else. He kept saying he was working on trying to come back but I found condoms, cards and hidden Christmas presents for unknown people. I wanted so bad to believe the excuses he told me, when in the back of my mind I knew they were lies.
My self-esteem was at an all-time low and I was letting him walk all over me. He was putting recording devices in my vehicle, created an ICloud account on my phone so he could GPS track me and I still continued to give in whenever he was at the house just to please him in hopes he would come back. But, I was tired of this! How long was this going to go on? I was being told by others, “as long as you let it”.
And, this is where my Crossfit story begins.
In January 2015, I ran into an old High School friend and after telling her what was going on in my life and the fear of divorce on the horizon, she suggested going to a Crossfit class. My routine up to this point consisted of waking up, getting the kids around for school, getting myself around for work, running the kids to school, going to work, leaving work, picking the kids up from after school care, then going home to make supper, do laundry, mow the grass and the everyday chores of the house, putting kids to bed and then too drained to have any time for myself. I lay in bed my mind running wilding not knowing what decisions I made are the best for my children/myself but I knew I had to stay strong. I would not let this man destroy me!
I had never heard of Crossfit before and assumed it was for people that were “crazy exercise freaks.”
Not sure if I would fit the mold but my anxiety was running wildly and I needed an outlet. Maybe this would work? So, I took my friends advice and went to the class.
The first couple classes consisted of learning techniques/proper stances, etc. I had no clue what a kettlebell or medicine ball even was but I soon found out! The longer I went the more involved/more intense the classes became and I found myself sweating away all the stress and negativity. I started leaving class feeling like a fully energized person ready to take on the world.
Crossfit had become my therapy session.
For 1 hour, 3 times a week I go to the “box” to train my mind and body to stay ahead of the ugly parts of life that can bring a person down. I began to set goals for myself; learning to do a “kipping” pull-up, learning double-unders, seeing how much I can box jump, continuing to push myself and give it my all. I can’t say there weren’t times that I just wanted to give up. This is where I found there is more to the gym then just the workout.
The “box”/Crossfit, unlike other gyms is like a tight knit community. There is support and encouragement from everyone; you finish your WOD and you stay and cheer others on. We have group events to stay connected and do things to show the community what we are doing.
Without the encouragement of the other members I probably would have given up in both my personal and gym life.
There have been ups and downs in the past 8 months. I just recently found out my husband bought a home, moved the girlfriend in he “didn’t have”and took $11,500 out of our home equity loan and continues to come into the home and take our property. But, each time I find out something new (which seems never-ending) I strive harder at the gym.
I can now do handstand push-ups off the floor. I have learned the “kipping” pull-up and I am now up to 8 in a row. I can do every other double-under and have completed a Savage Race with other Crossfit members.
Not only has Crossfit released so much negative energy, it has sculpted my body into a petite statue of muscle. Instead of the negative comments I was getting I am now getting positive comments from males and females stating they are jealous of my legs, arms and abs. This new level of confidence gives me the strength to push on and make my life better than it has ever been.
I want to be a role model for my girls and the other women out there who feel like giving up. Crossfit to me, has given me a brand new life.
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